Advocacy Through Songwriting: A Brief Look at Taylor Swift’s Discography

Taylor Swift started releasing music in 2006 with her first album, Taylor Swift. Since then, she has released numerous other studio albums, won 12 Grammys, and is now touring on what has been called “the biggest tour of 2023”. ¹ With all of her new successes and the recent re-release of her album Speak Now, it seems time to look back at her career and understand why she has become an icon for so many young people around the world. In this retrospective analysis, we will be going back in time to 2010 with the release of her third studio album, Speak Now, which contains the song “Dear John”. Additionally, we will also be looking at the song “Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve” from her most recent album, Midnights. It has been theorized that “Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve” is a continuation of the conversation that was started with “Dear John”.²  But before we analyze these pieces both individually and in tandem, some context is needed.

Taylor Swift and John Mayer, who is also a musician, started dating sometime in 2009 and ended their relationship at an undisclosed time in 2010.³  At the time the relationship started Swift was only 19 years old and Mayer was 32, creating a 13-year age gap.⁴  While the relationship seemed perfectly fine to the public eye, despite the problematic age gap, we later learn from Taylor that was not the case. After their relationship ended,⁵ Taylor wrote a song called “Dear John” which has been interpreted to be an open letter to John Mayer about their turbulent relationship and why it ended.  However, this song is much more than that. It is also a mechanism in which a young woman is processing her trauma and grief after an unhealthy relationship. The themes portrayed in “Dear John” are common among all survivors of domestic violence, which is what makes it such a popular tune. While Taylor has never explicitly used the terms “domestic violence” or “abuse” when talking about John Mayer or in the songs “Dear John” and “Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve” it is very clear from the lyrics of these songs that there were mechanisms of power and control within the relationship that deeply hurt Taylor. However, before we examine the lyrics of “Dear John” it is important to define domestic violence, as it is a very nuanced term.

Domestic violence also known as domestic abuse can been seen as an umbrella term for family violence and intimate partner violence. Generally, domestic violence is abuse committed by an intimate partner, family member, or household member for the purpose of gaining power and control against an intimate partner, family member, or household member.⁶  This is slightly different from intimate partner violence. Intimate partner violence is when an intimate, typically, a sexual partner, uses physical, sexual, financial, emotional, or psychological violence in order to maintain power and control over another intimate partner.⁷  As we can see from these definitions, domestic violence is far more than physical violence. Ultimately, domestic violence is about power and control, and it can happen to anyone.

“Dear John” opens with the lines “Long were the nights when / My days once revolved around you / Counting my footsteps / Praying the floor won’t fall through again”. These lines establish that the relationship between Taylor and John was not a healthy one. Taylor tells the listener that she adored John, but the love was not reciprocated in a consistent manner. She was never sure if her relationship was stable. This is a common feeling for those in abusive relationships. The first verse continues with the lines “And my mother accused me of losing my mind / But I swore I was fine”. With these lines the listener learns that other people, like Taylor’s mother, saw that the relationship was unhealthy. However, Taylor was in love and John was an effective manipulator, so much so, that the relationship continued.

In the same verse Taylor sings “You paint me a blue sky / And go back and turn it to rain / And I lived in your chess game / But you changed the rules everyday / Wondering which version of you I might get on the phone tonight.” These lyrics, once again, show the listener that the relationship between Taylor and John was emotionally manipulative. The song tells us that John would shower Taylor with love one day, only to act cold the next. These actions made Taylor feel confused and unsafe in her relationship. This type of emotional manipulation is common in domestic and dating violence situations and can be used as a mechanism of control.

In the chorus, Taylor reminds us that she was young when the relationship began. In the chorus she sings, “Dear John, I see it all now I was wrong / Don’t you think I was too young to be messed with? / The girl in the dress cried the whole way home / I should’ve known.” While Taylor tells the listener that she was young and that John took advantage of her lack of life experience, she also blames herself for the abuse with the line “I should’ve known.” Self-blame is a common feeling among survivors of abuse, therefore, sharing these feelings of blame and, possibly, shame allows listeners with similar experiences to feel like they are not alone. While it is important for survivors to realize that the abuse they endured was not their fault, it is equally important for survivors to know that self-blame is a common feeling. Sharing these feelings of shame, blame, and heartbrokenness allows Taylor to create a group of fans that supports her while, simultaneously, removing the stigma around being a survivor of domestic violence.

In the start of the second verse, Taylor sings “You are an expert at sorry and keeping the lines blurry.” Here, Taylor tells us that John would frequently apologize for his actions but would never truly change. It seems John would enter a cycle of apologizing and then re-committing the same offense her apologized for, this cycle made it hard for Taylor to interpret John’s true intentions. The cycle of apology is a common tactic among abusers because it keeps the victim attached and hopeful for the future. These empty promises of change are just another mechanism of control.

Later in the second verse, Taylor tells us that leaving the relationship gave her a sense of empowerment. We hear this in the lines “All the girls that you’ve run dry have tired lifeless eyes / ‘Cause you burned them out / But I took your matches before fire could catch me so don’t look now / I’m shining like fireworks over your sad empty town.”  This might feel contradictory to Taylor’s feelings of blame, however, Taylor shows us that feeling like you are to blame for your abuse and feeling empowered for leaving your abuser are not mutually exclusive. Feelings during and after abuse are often very complex and can be conflicting. Taylor shows us that this is nothing to be ashamed of.

By the end of the song, we also learn that the song is a call for John to take accountability for his actions with the lines “You should’ve known / Don’t you think I was too young? / You should’ve known.” Taylor was 13 years younger than John at the time of their relationship, creating a power imbalance. Through the song we learn that John took advantage of this power imbalance focusing on Taylor’s lack of life experience and, ultimately, traumatized her. While Taylor blames herself for being naive, she also demands that John take accountability for taking advantage of her youth.

As one can imagine, this song created a media frenzy and, ultimately, compelled John to write a song in response called “Paper Dolls”.⁸  Unsurprisingly, John did not take accountability for his actions and blamed Taylor for the bitter end of their relationship which can be seen with the lines “You’re like twenty-two girls in one and none of them know what they’re running from / Was it just too far to fall? / For a little paper doll”. Here John insinuates that Taylor did not know who she was and, therefore, created the problems in their relationship. To this day, John has not publicly taken accountability for his actions.

Twelve years after the original release of Speak Now at the age of 32, Taylor Swift released her studio album Midnights. This album contains the song “Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve” which is rumored to be about John Mayer and a continuation of the conversation started over a decade earlier in “Dear John”.⁹

“Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve” opens with the verse
If you would’ve blinked then I would’ve
Looked away at the first glance
If you tasted poison, you could’ve
Spit me out at the first chance
If I was some paint did it splatter
On a promising grown man?
And if I was a child, did it matter
If you got to wash your hands?

Here, Taylor tells us that John had a choice not to start a relationship with her. He could have “spit her out” once he realized she was a teenager. Instead, John realized that Taylor, at 19, was a legal adult and, therefore, could date her without any legal repercussions. Within these lyrics, Taylor condemns these actions. She acknowledges that at the time of the relationship, she was a child and, most likely, would not have entered the relationship if John did not pursue her.

In the first pre-chorus we hear “All I used to do was pray/ Would’ve, could’ve, should’ve/ If you’d never looked my way.” With these lines, we are told that before her relationship with John she had a strong relationship with God. However, after the relationship ended her relationship with her faith fundamentally changed. This sentiment is strengthened with a later pre-chorus containing the lines “You’re a crisis of my faith/ Would’ve, could’ve, should’ve/ If I’d only played it safe.” These lines show us that Taylor’s relationship with John did not just change her feelings towards herself, it also changed her connection with the outside world and her faith. These changes are common for those who have experienced and are healing from abuse.

In the chorus Taylor sings “I would’ve stayed on my knees / And I damn sure never would’ve danced with the devil / At nineteen / And the God’s honest truth is that the pain was heaven.” Here, we learn that Taylor considers John’s actions so egregious that he is akin to the devil. This comparison also amplifies the heavy religious imagery throughout the song. Additionally, we learn that Taylor liked the pain that stemmed from her relationship with John. This is a very common feeling for those in abusive relationships. At some point, the survivor of the abuse will liken the abuse they are experiencing to love, thus fundamentally changing their perception of a healthy relationship. This change in perception is the product of coercive control by the abuser and is typically used to keep the survivor in the relationship for a longer period of time.

The chorus continues with “And now that I’m grown, I’m scared of ghosts / Memories feel like weapons / And now that I know, I wish you’d left me wondering” With these lyrics Taylor continues to reflect on the relationship, acknowledging that most of her memories from that time are not happy ones. Furthermore, she recognizes that this relationship gave her lasting trauma that she is still healing from. This sentiment is further solidified in the bridge and the last verse,

God rest my soul, I miss who I used to be
The tomb won’t close, stained glass windows in my mind
I regret you all the time
I can’t let this go, I fight with you in my sleep
The wound won’t close, I keep on waiting for a sign
I regret you all the time
If clarity’s death, then why won’t this die?
Years of tearing down our banners, you and I
Living for the thrill of hitting you where it hurts
Give me back my girlhood, it was mine first.

Here is where we see a marked change in emotions compared to “Dear John”. In “Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve” Taylor is angry and de-centers John from the conversation. Instead of asking for John to take accountability for his actions, Taylor is expressing how her trauma affects her to this day. At 32 years of age, Taylor now understands how truly traumatizing this relationship was for her, which is something she could not fully contextualize at the age of 19. Taylor sings about longing for her faith and her girlhood, things that she might never get back. Taylor sings of her grief. It is also notable that in this song Taylor no longer sings of blaming herself for the abuse, she has moved away from that line of thought which indicates healing. “Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve” is not another song about John Mayer; it is a song about Taylor Swift and her healing journey.

Once again, Taylor’s anger is palpable in this song. She brings this emotion, and many others, to the forefront on “Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve”. She tells listeners that this anger is not something to be ashamed of. Anger is a very common emotion for those healing from abusive relationships and is a natural part of the healing process.

Overall, Taylor’s willingness to be open and honest about her emotions in her music is what makes her so popular. Domestic violence, abusive relationships, and coercive control are not topics often covered in pop culture. Taylor removes the stigma from these conversations and sings about them openly. This allows millions of people to connect with her lyrics and know that they are not alone. In fact, nearly 10 million people every year experience domestic violence. ¹⁰ However, domestic violence is typically an issue that is dismissed and swept under the rug. Taylor rejects this notion and tells her story through music proudly. Without a doubt, this radical openness has inspired many of her listeners to be open with their experiences of abuse and start their healing journeys. Hopefully, other artists will follow in her footsteps and share their stories of trauma and healing through music. Because at the end of the day, domestic violence survivors should know that they are not alone and their feelings are valid, no matter what they might be.

Listen to “Dear John”  |  Listen to “Paper Dolls”  |  Listen to “Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve” 

¹ Hugh McIntyre, Taylor Swift’s The Eras Tour is the Biggest Tour of 2023 So Far, and It’s Not Even Close, FORBES, (Jun. 27, 2023).
² Hannah Dailey, Here’s Why Swifties Think Taylor Swift Shaded John Mayer on ‘Midnights’, BILLBOARD,  (Oct. 21, 2022).
³ Sophie Dodd, Taylor Swift and John Mayer’s Relationship: A Look Back, PEOPLE,  (Jul. 6, 2023).
⁴ Id.

⁵ The History of ‘Dear John’: Taylor Swift’s Most Famous Deep Cut, CAPITAL, (Jul. 6, 2023).
⁶ What is Domestic Abuse?, UNITED NATIONS,  (Jul. 18, 2023).
⁷ Id.

⁸ CAPITAL supra note 5.
⁹ Dailey supra note 2.

¹⁰ Statistics, NATIONAL COALITION AGAINST DOMESTIC VIOLENCE,  ( Jul. 18, 2023).