Eleven months ago, we downsized. Moved from the large marital home I was awarded in the divorce but could no longer afford, to a 2-bedroom ranch less than ½ the size. I was worried that the adjustment would be huge for me and my daughter, but it wasn’t. In just a few days, the new house became our home as the two of us – as close as the “Gilmore Girls” – filled it with love and laughter, sunshine and songs. When NYS Pause went into effect and all the world seemed to be in lockdown, our lives became insulated. We spent all our time indoors with only each other, venturing out at the crack of dawn once every two weeks to get groceries, not even visiting my parents who live a mere 15 minutes away because they had underlying health conditions. As the pandemic spread and the death count rose, as scared as we were, we felt fortunate to have this lovely new space, to have each other, and be within the safety and security of our new home.
We felt especially fortunate because we know that not everyone is safe in their own home, safe with the people they live with.
October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. In years past, I have participated in and helped organize Domestic Violence marches and walks, fundraisers and events, trainings and celebrations. Domestic Violence advocates and activists in our communities have held countless moments of silence in honor of those whose lives have been lost at the hands of someone they loved. We have worn purple in unity with our professional allies; and have turned buildings, monuments, and even Niagara Falls purple to “shine the light” and raise awareness on this still overlooked issue. But this year, we need to do more.
Covid-19 has made it harder for victims to seek help and to connect with friends and family. Many people have lost their jobs, while others are required to work from home. For many victims, this means being with their abusers constantly, without a safe way to call for help, to leave their homes, or get assistance. Though not causes of domestic violence, we know that stress and social isolation are correlated to its increase[1]. I’m not alone in fearing that the current hotline calls and shelter stats are a mere fraction of the true number of people in need of our help.
So for this Domestic Violence Awareness Month, help people who are targets of abuse by listening from your homes. This is what NO MORE is asking us to do. A foundation whose mission is “ending domestic violence and sexual assault by increasing awareness, inspiring action, and fueling culture change,” NO MORE is encouraging us to be active bystanders by sharing information that can help those who are being hurt by an intimate partner or a family member. If you know or suspect someone is being abused in their home, contact them and be their support. Listen for abuse and call for help if needed.
I know what I’m asking. Wearing purple on Thursday, October 22, 2020 to raise public awareness is easy; being someone’s lifeline is not. But in these unprecedented times, those of us who can, must. We cannot simply rest comfortably within the safety of our own homes when others can’t. Let’s be there to help them.
For legal resources that you can refer victims of intimate partner and domestic violence to, please go to NY Crime Victims Legal Help at www.crimevictimshelpny.org . View and share the #ListeningFromHome PSA.
[1] https://www.apa.org/topics/covid-19/domestic-violence-child-abuse